I had therapy today. I’m really liking therapy. Working with someone takes my mind in directions that it won’t go on its own. Today I learned that I’m not comfortable feeling proud about my accomplishments.
One of my (hidden to me) motivations for doing this bipolar stuff is suicide prevention. I cried thinking about the times when I was so low that I even contemplated suicide. My version is always “swimming across the ocean”.
What’s sad to me isn’t so much my experience, but knowing what it feels like for things to be so low and thinking that they’ll never be “the same” or better again. Even chipper old me has had moments so low that I thought I’d never crawl back out into the light. I mean… if I feel like that sometimes… 😥
What bugs me is knowing that there’s information out there which would help alleviate that pain and prevent a lot of suffering and that billions of people have phones which could be a gateway to a better future. That doesn’t just bug me about bipolar. The fact that everyone is walking around with limitless knowledge and opportunities to connect with practically anyone anywhere but people are, at the same time, so ignorant and alone. It’s weird. Societies just haven’t collectively woken up to this fact. They will.