Casey Abbott Payne

Reason 6: Magda Is Worth Fighting For

I thought Magda might enjoy a badass looking, toned up, shirtless Brad Pitt. šŸ™‚

A series of unfortunate events led to this sinking feeling in my chest yesterday. A feeling I’m not very familiar with. It came about from having the thought of things not working out in the long run with Magda. Normally I’d brush it off and be like whatever, [there’s always the cave.] Not this time though. This time I sat with it. I didn’t run away from it. It eventually turned into a motivating fire.

See, I’m used to living in a fantasy world of sorts, fearlessly chasing big dreams. There are high times, low times and always a cave to fall back on. šŸ˜‰ This isn’t case anymore. Now it’s time for me to put my game face on. TakeĀ [the kid’s] hands off the steering wheel, throw’m in the back seat and become *GASP* an adult. There’s an adult in me. I don’t think I’ve ever had a reason for him to emerge.

What came to mind was a chapter out of Napoleon Hill’s classic “Think and Grow Rich.” This quote sums [the chapter] up succinctly:

The men who have accumulated great fortunes and achieved outstanding recognition in literature, art, industry, architecture, and the professions, were motivated by the influence of a woman.

I’ve always understood this theoretically, but never have I ever felt it so pronounced. I already knew I was willing to go to great lengths to be with her. Yesterday I discoveredĀ I willĀ go to any lengths.

Because I need to have badassery to balance the softness, here’s a video of adult me decimating bad habits and childish ways…

6 comments

      • Because, I remember Magda from 8 years ago… I just can’t imagine what has transpired over the past decade which hasn’t made this “work out” yet? I just envision a lot of things which just gave me a sad sinking feeling inside.

        Life is so precious.
        Time is the only commodity we have, which we don’t know how much of it we have, when it will run out & can not, in a lifetime, be replenished.

        -Tko

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      • It’s been a combination of things. “Stubbornness on my part (not entirely accurate, but that’s the best single word). Battles with my mental illness. Distance. Timing.

        Even though she wanted things to work out earlier I wasn’t ready. Emotionally or stability-wise. There were a lot of things I was still thinking about (in terms of humanity, life and the universe). I didn’t really have room for someone else (to REALLY have someone else be a part of my life). Perhaps I also feared things not working out then and losing a friend for forever. I would have rather had her as a friend than a girlfriend for a brief moment and then no one. She truly is my best friend.

        Not having my mental illness sorted has been a big part of it too. I had to be able to take care of myself, by myself first.

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      • Yeah… I hear you. The sun has a reason for rising every morning… it doesn’t mean the clothes in the shop window are any less scorched or faded…

        -Tko

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