That’s what she says, but I don’t believe it (yet).

I wasn’t planning on these being so self reflective… Perhaps that will be reason number 8 (her ability to instigate self reflection). I had a whole bunch of silly ones queued up. I suppose I’ll get to those. lol

While out on my morning run the hardest (thug life hard) post in the world flashed through my mind. I was going to post a bunch of cute pictures with a warning about what was to come. I’ll save that post for another day. Here’s, in brief, why I’ve conditioned myself to be so hard.

Numbers.

The cost of eradicating world poverty is estimated at 1 percent of global income. Almost half the world — over 3 billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day. The poorest 40 percent of the world’s population accounts for 5 percent of global income. [Stat from Compassion.com]

I’ll save the continuing dismal stats for that later post. The crimes against humanity are nothing when you include the crimes against “sentient beings” (this includes our furry friends like the one pictured above). Needless to say, being soft is a luxury most of humanity cannot come even remotely close to being able to afford. 😦

My “Soft”

I can still count, pretty much on one hand, the times I’ve cried (that I can remember).

1. My best friend’s Grandpa dying
2. The death of Junior (which prompted me to purchase Junior Junior, he’s at Magda’s house now)
3. A handful of manic tears (by myself all but once) when I’ve been vulnerable enough to have the feels for the sad state of affairs the world is in.

That’s pretty much it. I was so shocked about the death of Junior (Fred’s bird I was taking care of, Fred had just passed away) that I videoed it.

My friend’s grandpa dying was probably the first time I experienced a death so close. I magine I thought about all of the deaths that were to come. That was an epic cry. I was at school and cried like half the day… lol (pussy 😉 ) The manic tears come from thinking about how much of a failure I am at figuring out a mathematical problem that I KNOW there is an answer to. I KNOW there is a solution that would exponentially eradicate the suffering so many people feel. I KNOW it.

There was almost a number 4 the other day. I didn’t cry, but I felt like it. It was all rather confusing for me.

Number one makes sense to me. I was young (and a pussy lol), number 2 makes sense to me too. Number three makes all of the sense in the world to me. Number three has been (almost) the only thing driving me to play an active role in modern society. Funnily enough, the only other thing that’s kept me caught up in this modern madness is a loan I have to repay to Magda. I’ve had a lot of [FUCK IT, CAVE] moments and (I thought) Magda’s loan was the only thing that kept me tethered to this realm I fucking hate (with a passion… it’s so mathematically fucked up… lol it boggles my fucking mind) was this little dude in the back of my mind like “Hey bro, hey! You still gotta pay Magda back.”

lol

I guess what I realized yesterday was that it wasn’t the loan, it was (is) her. Trying to “save the world” is just some shit to do. Some people (myself included for 8 months) like to [grind on Destiny], others (myself included) like to try to figure out why the world is the way it is. (Answer: it’s just evolution, going from [“romantic breaks” and pillaging] to a “global utopia” isn’t something that’s going to happen over night.)

Ever since freshman year of high school, when I decided to become [a monk from Shaolin], this has pretty been my approach to life:

What’s interesting is… I’ve been mathematically compassionate. I mean, I care about stuff, but the state of the world just seemed mathematically fucked. Especially combined with [the four noble truths] (don’t believe’em cuz Buddha said, you gotta test the shit out). You got people running around like chickens with their heads cut off (for money and things), suffering, and then you got people physically suffering and… No one has developed a systematical approach to exponentially eradicate both. Although that makes mathematical sense as well, the internet will be the delivery system, it’s quite new.

“Soft” (compassion?) never seemed to mathematically fit into the equation for me. Seemed like it would just take away from working on figuring all of this out. Anytime an inkling of soft arose I’d be like “FUCK YOU SOFT! [AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!]”

What I’m learning is some softness (for Magda at least) not only makes mathematical sense (I’m a nerd, sue me), but it’s opening up a whole new range of feelings. [As I stated yesterday], love is a motivator like none other. It’s essentially taken FUCK IT, CAVE off the (flipped) table. [Burned the ships], so to speak.

Fuck me. This is turning to a long ass post… lol I started writing what’s below and then was like “Nah, I gotta write some more above,” now I’m back down here… Fuck. lol

The Math

Here’s the thing about numbers and my math being good (too good. lol) People like to say things like “If you want to change the world, make money first, then you can XYZ.” I don’t like to point out to them how bullshit that is. Look at the stat above. 1% of global income could vanquish hunger IN THE WORLD (I’m not sure how mathematically accurate that stat is, but it says something).

I admit that money would give me more resources for testing things, stability to think and so on and so forth. That said, there are plenty of people that have plenty of money and they can’t figure this shit out. Mark Zuckerberg is a wicked smart dude, with wicked money and resources. He threw 100 million at public education and… [he learned from it.] Bill Gates is another wicked smart dude with wicked money and resources, he’s [been trying to crack this nut for a long time]. (This is what I had already written, I’mma wrap this shit up right fast. lol)

Essentially money and resources aren’t the missing link. It’s a particular brand of knowledge that I don’t think actually exists the way it could yet. It’s some esoteric blending of marketing, spiritual insight, [Tribal Leadership], open source/public domain, [“hole in the wall learning”] (and the general death of current educational paradigms), [social entrepreneurship], [microfinance], the viral nature of the internet ([memetics (TED Talk, you might like this one Magda)]) etc. etc. etc.

There essentially needs to be a revolution of consciousness that puts a cold blade through the heart of consumerist ways of life and supplants it with one of compassion for all sentient beings.

This post is long enough. I’ll end it there. 🙂 Because Magda likes kitties: