Note: This post is a disjointed rambling mess… Kind of like Cycles 11 to 15 were. I’m going to leave it as it is because I want to be done with it and move on to writing the Dream+Flow for the current cycle (16).

I Wasn’t Ready to Move On from mtkZ and CAP

My Cycle 10 Dream+Flow was about how I was ready to integrate miltownkid ZEE and Casey Abbott Payne into a unified Self. I really thought I was ready, but right at the end of Cycle 10, miltownkid ZEE came back. I scrolled through the photos from that time and… there is a book worth of stories to tell. Maybe two. I’m not even going to attempt to do a comprehensive summary of the events from those cycles. What I can do is drop a couple photos that capture some of the main points.

Abbott of a Temple

During these cycles, I ended up taking care of an abandoned temple close to my house. I have many photos, and videos, of the changes I made and things I learned along the way. This was definitely a miltownkid ZEE project. This photo is from the day I brought a figurine of Guanyin that I purchased in the temple district of Wanhua. Right when I stopped taking care of it, a homeless person moved in. That was interesting. Then the neighborhood took control of it again. When I walk by now the gates are closed. I should go peek in and see if Guanyin and Black Panther are still there. Maybe I should find a picture of Black Panther there…

This must be from the day I brought him. I’m sure I have more/better photos, but this came up when searching Google Photos. This is underneath the altar. He was eventually placed up top with the rest of the gods.

My Drum

I’m not sure what to say here but… I got a drum and a drumming teacher. I’m only just now starting to make practicing the drum a regular habit.

African Daoism… by Casey Abbott Payne, mtk Style

Something “interesting” that happened during these cycles is Casey Abbott Payne morphed in mtkZ energy. miltownkid ZEE kind of left the physical realm such that everything in the physical realm was Casey Abbott Payne, but Casey Abbott Payne really absorbed the mtkZ energy. The photos above were created by Casey Abbott Payne, but they “pop” like mtkZ…

Going back and forth between talking about CAP and mtkZ is a little strange. What I’ll say is the Casey Abbott Payne persona started out really grounded. Focused on Chan (Zen) and meditation. I suppose, in the end, CAP got hijacked by mtkZ… I’ll talk about all of this in-depth sometime in the future.

#DIGITALPANTHERTAICHI

It’s worth talking about the photo at the top of the page. Casey Abbott Payne cycled through many different ideas for a new tai chi school. #DIGITALPANTHERTAICHI was the final form. It was a good blend of mtkZ and CAP. I think the final, “ultimate” form. I like the Casey Abbott Payne who is the founder of #DIGITALPANTHERTAICHI. I like where that universe ends up. I can “see” it. Just like I could “see” the miltownkid/MilTownKlan universe and where that would end up. Just like I can see all of the different paths I’ve created and where they could end up. The problem with all of them is they aren’t “me”. Who am I? Well… That’s what we’re (whoever you are reading this) will find out together. To be honest, I think digitally sharing, reflecting, and refining my “Self” is what #DIGITALPATHERTAICHI is all about in the end. The art of having a unified digital and physical Self. I’m still going to do this, but everything I’ve learned all of these years from studying Taoism, tai chi, martial arts, content creation, etc. will be packed into Way of the 108. The Way of the 108 doesn’t need to happen in public. It’s just that I want the full story of how it came to be publicly available. The evolution from miltownkid, to Pwning Life, to the MilTownKlan, to miltownkid ZEE, to Casey Abbott Payne, to Flow to Your Dream, Flowism, and the Way of the 108. Who am I? The author, the programmer, 108. Everything, the good and the bad, the pleasure and the pain, leading up to this point was necessary. I didn’t know this last section was going to turn into a rambling wall of text, but I’m just going to roll with it.

What really happened between Cycles 11 to 15? With Cycle 11 I went from normal to the highest mania level I’ve ever experienced in 2 weeks. Then I came down and went right back up again. I had a wide variety of spiritual adventures fueled naturally and with “assistance”. Cycle 11 was extremely turbulent. Turbulent to the point that my wife was ready to leave me. I’m not sure how I made things “right” (enough) again, but I did. When I came back down I ended up in a kind of self-induced depression. I was afraid of how quickly things could spiral. I was determined to never have that happen again (and still am). For cycles 12, 13, 14, and 15 all I wanted to do was not be crazy. I reverted back to Cycle 8 (Don’t be Crazy). This was actually a big deal. After Cycle 11, my doctor told me I had “rapid cycling” with my bipolar now. I was like “fuck that, no I don’t” and just made it my goal not to have another manic episode. He’s surprised that I’ve gone so long without having an episode. I’m going to go a lot longer too! “Don’t be crazy,” is the foundation from where I operate now. Crazy defined as not losing a grip on collectively agreed-upon reality. I’m certain I will find outlets for my creativity, but they don’t need to disrupt life. In fact (artistic) “crazy” should ideally enhance life.

Just Casey 2

Spoiler alert. Cycle 16 is going to be “Just Casey 2”. Cycle 10 was the original but… I guess I needed to get some things out of my system before I committed to this new path. I’m excited. What I’ve wanted to do more than anything is “keep it real” online. That’s a hard thing to do! There are many pitfalls on the road to reality without trying to share it online. Sharing online only makes things more complicated. Especially if you try to make a living doing it (which I plan to eventually do). I said it once, and I’ll say it again. I’m excited. I’ve fought long and hard to get here (mostly within myself! lol) I’ve got a great script for the next 9 cycles (3 years). I’ll essentially be refining my “Self”, philosophy, and system publicly. Once I feel like I’ve gained real clarity of Self, precision of philosophy, and mastery over the system I’ll start sharing it more formally.

What a strange post. I’ll sign off with this screenshot I found while going through my photos today. I think I grabbed it because I mentioned Imago in the Cycle 10 video, I was hanging with Imago today, and that image of the Dragon (mtkZ) and Tiger (CAP) is a good representation of what went down over those cycles. No more Dragon and no more Tiger. Just Casey. ;)