Day 3: Read Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance “Chapter Start Up Guide”

I had therapy today. I’m really liking therapy. Working with someone takes my mind in directions that it won’t go on its own. Today I learned that I’m not comfortable feeling proud about my accomplishments.

One of my (hidden to me) motivations for doing this bipolar stuff is suicide prevention. I cried thinking about the times when I was so low that I even contemplated suicide. My version is always “swimming across the ocean”.

What’s sad to me isn’t so much my experience, but knowing what it feels like for things to be so low and thinking that they’ll never be “the same” or better again. Even chipper old me has had moments so low that I thought I’d never crawl back out into the light. I mean… if I feel like that sometimes… 😥

What bugs me is knowing that there’s information out there which would help alleviate that pain and prevent a lot of suffering and that billions of people have phones which could be a gateway to a better future. That doesn’t just bug me about bipolar. The fact that everyone is walking around with limitless knowledge and opportunities to connect with practically anyone anywhere but people are, at the same time, so ignorant and alone. It’s weird. Societies just haven’t collectively woken up to this fact. They will.

“Do your utmost, no matter who gains or loses.” – Master Sheng Yen

A post shared by Casey Abbott Payne (@caseyabbottpayne) on

3 comments

  1. Sometimes having too much information can be as bad as having no information I think. If you’re looking for help, it can be confusing because there is lots of help out there, but it may not be the help you are looking for or needing at the time.

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    • Yeah. I think it’s only “bad” by design right now. As the web gets more social (like REALLY social) information will flow better and the quality will increase. A problem, for example, with Google is that people make money by being high in search so instead of focusing on making good content, people focus on being high in search. That will all get better though (it’s gotten a lot better!)

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  2. So I watched the video of the apartment. Did you rent an apartment that is already rented out and now you’re going to collect the rent? It is full of stuff. Also, it looks like there is some leaking. Who is responsible for fixing that? Since I own rental property, I look at all that stuff.

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