Day 108: Being Balanced

It’s been a trippy ride since “Day 1: 108 Days of Being Bipolar”. Originally I was going to be focused on building my company by attending classes put on by the Founder Institute. That got canceled and it left me with a lot of unstructured free time immediately after I had just gone on a wild ride of spirit with miltownkid in the US. I ended up deciding to ride that spirit out and see where it would take me. A short version would be “It took me straight to the hospital,” but that wouldn’t be telling any of the stories.

Maybe I can tell the story with some choice Instagram posts…

This is the perfect post to start with. The aftermath of the 36th Chamber Show

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When @kanyewest (ye) and "I" / @miltownkidZEE (ZEE) drop our album we gonna call it. Drumroll please… "ye-ZEE" 😂😂😂 🐉☯️❤️ Everyone is talking about his #MakeAmericaGreatAgain hat and no one is talking about his #FreeHoover shirt… the country is getting taken over right in front of people's eyes… "I think I'm #BigMeech, #LarryHoover / Whippin' work, #hallelujah / #onenationundergod / Real niggas gettin' money from the fuckin' start" – @richforever Larry Hoover is the founder of Gangster Disciples ("GD NIGGA!" I grew up needing to know all that shit so I wouldn't catch an ass whoopin'… 😂) Someone wrote on Facebook about my "The only thing the establishment truly fears" photo from @micael77777 that I posted yesterday, "There's a reason that picture is a cartoon drawing, because there is not a photo in existence of that scene actually happening." O RLY? Let me be clear. I wanna be the most gangsta nigga on the planet. But like… #spiritualgangsta. Also… that's not want I wanted to be. I wanted to be a surf bum in Hawaii. I've been called to be the most gangsta mothaninja on the planet (and off the planet! #spaceforce) Like… two of my most favoritist gangster are #孫悟空 and #ODB. A one man gangster army! Also, Mil-Town and Chi-Town are like gangster fam. To be clear, I'm not interested in organized crime. @50cent is the kinda gangsta I wanna be. #endscene #improvwverywhere #birdsflyinghighyouknowhowifeel #doubledragons #orderofthedoubledragon #orderofthegoldendragon

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After a couple hours name I woke up INSPIRED! I had a combination of thoughts about @xxxtentacion, #DragonBallZ, @kidbuu, Dragons, Phoenixs, Fangshi (方士 / "Method Men" / Alchemists), immortality and… all kinds of things in my mind. . Then I sat down and started working on a diagram breaking down the overlapping realities people have to navigate. I broke it down into 3. Inner reality, outer reality, and collective reality and I used Kid Buu as my subject. . During yesterday's #TempleTune / #HipHopTemple I mentioned there being a Golden and Black Dragon. I, being Goku, am the Golden Dragon of course. Then I realized that Kid Buu is the Black Dragon. If you don't know Dragon Ball Z. Kid Buu = 魔人 (devil) / Djinn-Boo. I'm sure people are familiar with the Devils but Djinns probably aren't as well known in the West… . Jinn (Arabic: الجن‎, al-jinn), also Romanized as djinn or Anglicized as genies (with the more broad meaning of spirits or demons, depending on source) are supernatural creatures in early Arabian and later Islamic mythology and theology. . Anyhow… Kid Buu is the dude I need to battle at the tournament I organize for 2020! 😁 I won't go deep with it here but I watched an #Anonymous video that pointed out that the devil isn't really the devil. Churches are, generally speaking, designed to take away personal power and control/enslave large populations of people. I'm 100% on #TeamJesus but I'm skeptical about team church. . Also, #KidBuuIsADemon but not really though. I mean… KID BUU is a demon but… Markquez Lao Santiago is just playing a game. He's #PwningLife according to the Way of @miltownkidZEE. This shit is a game. . #金小龍 vs #黑小龍 #IAMGOKU #王家太極

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#IAMGOKU

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ANNOUNCEMENT: Facebook friends who don't like @realdonaldtrump and #KanyeWest. I highly recommending engaging with me civilly. I am serious about supporting them both and I keep getting pushed in, what you think is, the "wrong" direction. . I was a delegate in Iowa for @hillaryclinton in 2016. I understand the inner workings of the primary process now. I'm also a #democraticorganizer (small d) who has been focused on how to translate off-line #SaulDavidAlinsky style organizing (what got @barackobama elected) into the digital/virtual realm. . I put my virtual organizing skill to the test on @blmmke (Black Lives Matter Milwaukee). . Trump/Kanye haters/Democrats. Think wisely. Do you want to convince me that I should support your candidates in 2020 or do you want to call me "brainwashed" or "an idiot". . My mind is actually mostly made up. Black Lives Matter Milwaukee being founded by a Hillary supporter who became disillusioned by the Democratic party and got on team #MakeAmericaGreatAgain because of how the liberal media treated the leader of the #BipolarMafia when he was trying to make a point about #MentalSlavery during a manic episode sounds like pretty good TV to me! (I'd watch that for a dollar!) . I was "internet famous" during #ProjectChanology aka #OperationChanology aka the #Anonymous war on @scientology 10 years ago. A fucking internet meme is in the White House… 😂😂😂 He invited another internet meme the other day and… like… people think you can battle memes with memes? . We 美美's kids. #WeDontDieWeMultiply . I'm still available for legal election influence campaigns at $108/hour… 😂😂😂 . #NaNoWriMo #improveverywhere . Free Chinese and American African American Culture Bonus Lesson! . 美國 (měiguó) is how you say the United States in Chinese. . Bebe's Kids (1992) was the first animated film to feature an all African American cast. . "We'z Bebe's kids, we don't die, we multiply." Is a line from the film. . With "Meme's Kids" I'm doing a play on American Kids and Meme Kids and #CHYNA and Greek Mythology. Like… the @FBI done pissed me off with some of the action they've taken against my brethren… . #NaNoWriMo #improveverywhere … 😂😂😂 . #MaskOff @future

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#HipHopTemple #Jackson5 #DancingMachine

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Woah… and that wasn’t the half of it! I was prolifically posting on the miltownkid ZEE and Mil Town Klan accounts as well. I REALLY “let myself go” between no meds, National Novel Writing Month, and “improv everywhere”. I was creating content that I was going to use for a novel called “#IAMGOKU”.

Balance

While I was in the hospital a friend of mine (Robbie) who’s a master of emotional intelligence introduced me to the “mood meter” chart. It was created by Yale’s Center for Emotional Intelligence. He had me do it pen and paper style and what I learned was that I was ranking high energy + high pleasantness (MANIA/DRAGON ENERGY) to high. Like… the “sweet spot” to be in is medium energy + high pleasantness (as a home base). Ever since he showed me that, that’s what I’ve been trying to do. There are definitely times to be high energy, low energy, high pleasantness, and low pleasantness but “the middle way” is the way to be moment-to-moment.

I’ve always looked at Casey Abbott Payne and miltownkid ZEE like two extremes. One was a minimalist who wanted a stoic life, the other wanted to rock and roll all night. What I’ve really been looking for is the “common ground” between those two extremes and, to a large extent, I’ve found it and I train it every day (moment to moment). Whether hanging out with the wife or up in the mountains… the middle way. I have a lot to say about this. I was drawn to a philosophical book of Bruce Lee’s to find a quote to match the above. This is what I came away with…

From “Bruce Lee: Artist of Life”

Reworded to make my point about the “Middle Way”…

“I should consider both the Casey Abbott Payne and the miltownkid of equal importance, and not as being independent of one another. The rejection of either Casey or miltownkid will lead to separation, and separation runs to extremes.”

Three Personas to One, One to None

At the start of the 108 days, I was considering starting a new persona, “realBipolarCEO”. That new persona actually made the decision to consolidate (like a CEO would! 😉 ). That’s what started the “manic spiral” of sharing all of the different bits of myself through primarily the Casey Abbott Payne Instagram account which… you just saw. Doing that was cathartic. Being in the hospital was cathartic. Shortly after being released I was still oscillating between the two.

As I type this now… I don’t feel a two, or a one. More and more… maybe I’ll quote Bruce again…

“Let your mind, the basic reality, do the counter-movement without any interfering deliberation. Above all, learn the art of detachment.” – Bruce Lee, Artist of Life, p 16

The Next Chapter

I have a lot in store for “2019”. I put that in quotes because I’m beginning to challenge the idea of how I measure time. In Taiwan next year is 108 based on the fall of the Qing Dynasty. You can see a sampling of different measures of time on this Wikipeida page. Call me crazy (really, it’s OK), but I’m going to start a new way to measure my time based on my 108-day cycles. I think it’s poetic that I’m starting it in year 108 here in Taiwan. January 1, 2019 is going to be 000.001 for my new cycle calendar. The left will increase by one for every cycle and the right will increase by one for each day and reset to 1 after each cycle. I’ll still use the Gregorian calendar as needed, but I’ll secretly be living in my own world of flowing moment to moment, day to day, cycle to cycle. I don’t care what year it is, or if it’s the weekend. Every day I flow. I spontaneously respond to what’s right in front of me.

What I really work on is refining my personal philosophy of “Flowing to My Dream”. That reminds me… beginning tomorrow I get to work on my “Flow and Dream” document. I wonder what it will be like… This time I think I’ll post it to my website… Anyhow… see you on 000.001!

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